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Monday, June 27th 2011

3:47 PM

Just around the corner...and 5,000,000.00 miles away...

     Lately, I've been feeling like my life is going no where. Everyone says "Oh, but *Insert random, happy thing to look forward to, here* is just around the corner!" That may be so, but sometimes it feels like it's around the corner, and then another five million miles away.

     Maybe it's because, these past few days have found me genuinely horror stricken at the all-to-true fact that, in only 2 months, I will be 20 years old. Yep. The big 2-0. It may not be so bad, if I hadn't had my future planned out since I was 2 years old.

     I know many girls at my age, are enjoying their life, and looking forward to collage, or careers. Those are their dreams. But my dream seems to get further and further away with each passing day.

     For as long as I can remember, I've had three 'dreams'.

     1: Become a published author

     2: Become a horse trainer

     3: Have a family.

     But it's just been these past few weeks when I've realized, all I really want in life, is to have a family. I'd give up my dream of horses. I'd never pick up a pen again, all to live my dream of being a Mother and a Wife.

     I love kids more than anything! I always have. Their smiles and laughs melt my heart, and nothing brings a smile to my face, like having a little kid smile and wave to me, each giggling a 'hi' in their own way.

     I always wanted to live my dream young. I was the weird child who wanted to be married at 18 or 19, and have my first kid at 20 or 21. So being 2 months away from 20, and still having never been even CLOSE to that dream, it is just the hardest thing to live with for me.

     Every day, all I think of is, "Did I do something wrong? Am I being punished? Have I taken a very wrong path that I'm at this point in my life?" 

     I can't even begin to explain how hard it is for me to be writing this. These are my feelings. Feelings I live with everyday, and trap in my mind, hiding them from the world. 

     The future is all I think about. For example; two years ago I bought a tiny pair of baby cowboy booties to stick in my hope chest. (Yes, I have a hope chest, and I'm very proud of that!) The othe day, after a year of saving up points (every time you buy something at the store I work at, you collect points to redeem for stuff) I was finally able to get the 16 piece dish set I wanted so badly!

     I get so excited everytime I get to add something new to my hope chest. Dishes, towels, baby booties, or even just flyer cutouts of what I want to add to it. All of it reminds me of what I am wanting to do with my life! It also makes me wonder if I'll ever get to use any of it though...

     But the most annoying part about it all? We are STILL trying to sell our house! FIVE YEARS LATER! Which means, everything's on hold. Like major parts of our lives are on pause until we move, yet life around us doesn't stop. So each day passes, yet changes, and decisions are all put on hold. And with every question asked, like "Why aren't you doing more with horses." or "Why can't you do such-and-such" comes the dreaded, four word sentence, that, just hearing it, makes me want to scream..."Not until we move."

     There has not been one day lately, where I have not felt like I've been running on a treadmill. Going and going and going. Running faster and faster and faster. And still going absolutely, no where! Sometimes even tripping and flying backwards!

     I know I still have a lot to learn in life. And sometimes I think maybe that's why I am where I am. But I'm the type of person that needs instant results. I try as hard as I can to change, but if nothing in my life changes, within a few days I've given up.

     Right now, I'm to the point where, I'm terrified I'm never going to get to live out my dream. Maybe I'll end up being the old woman who never married and never had kids. Just lived on my own with just my animals to keep me company.

     I can't say, that where ever I end up in life, I'll be happy. Because I know that's not t rue. Being a Wife and Mother is what will make me happy. And I can't pretend that I would be happy with anything else. 

     Sometimes I wish I had a remote, so I could fast-forward through the hard parts in life and just end up where I want to be. But I guess that's not what life’s about. And until my dream comes true, I'll have to force myself to not think about how it slips further and further away with each day, and focus on each day itself.

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Thursday, February 3rd 2011

5:23 PM

Life through lyrics

       Sometimes the best way for people to show their emotions or feelings in life, is through words. Whether that be poems or small story's or even songs, it's the best way to work out your feelings.
       For, as long as I can remember, I've always used poetry as a way to vent. Anger, frustration, happiness, pain or hurt, from every emotion, poured many poems.
       Only lately, have I tried song writing instead of poetry. Now, poetry has always seemed to come naturally for me. Being able to rhyme sentences together has almost always been easy for me. Everything I wrote, seemed to pour out in rhymes.
       Song writing on the other hand is much harder. A few times I had tried to write songs, but of course...unless I have been hit with a very emotional day or experience, nothing I write is ever any good. And honestly, I can't write. I end up staring at a piece of paper for hours trying to figure out what rhymes with cat! (No joke either!)
       So unless the emotion and feelings are there, I can't write poetry to save my life.
       But about a month or so ago, I'd been going through a lot of up's and down's...so one day I was laying in bed and started typing away, and within an hour, I had EIGHT full songs written. Not all of them are great, but a few, I am quiet pleased with. And I've decided to start sharing them and hopefully, one day, I can have them all put to music.
       So here is the first one; "My Real Life Fairytale"

My real life fairytale

Once upon a time is how the story starts,
Each about a princess who had a broken heart.
A prince would come and sweep her away,
Then together, forever they would stay.
But what about the little girl, dreaming of her own prince?
Growing up, she hasnt met him since.

*chorus*
Where is my real life fairytale?
Every girl dreams of the story she'll tell
Of how she met her prince that day.
Out of the blue, in the most unexpected way
But sometimes life is a little more frail.
Where's my real life fairytale?

*second verse*
Princesses with beautiful dresses and gowns
Fancy jewels and a golden crown
Theres A little girl who plays pretend
Acting out how her story will end
Even though it's just a game,
She secretly hopes her life will be the same

*chorus*
Where is my real life fairytale?
Every girl dreams of the story she'll tell
Of how she met her prince that day.
Out of the blue, in the most unexpected way
But sometimes life is a little more frail.
Where's my real life fairytale? 

*bridge*
Now the little girl is all grown up.
But still she waits, she won't give up.
She knows one day, her prince will come.
Then the long wait will finally be done.
Together forever, with unbreakable love.
She's found her real life fairytale.

*chorus* *Repeat*
Where is my real life fairytale?
Every girl dreams of the story she'll tell
Of how she met her prince that day.
Out of the blue, in the most unexpected way
But sometimes life is a little more frail.
Where's my real life fairytale? 
Where's my real life fairytale?

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Tuesday, February 1st 2011

8:37 PM

New Year...New Goals...A New Life...

      2011...hard to believe it is already here. Guess I could say the past 11 years have flown, when I think about the first scary step I took into 2000. Then again, I could say I've prepared myself for these years and been ready to face them head on.
      Truthfully though, I wish it was the 90's again. I was born in 1991, so I'm still not fully used to this new way of living. All this technology and...well... futuristic way of life most are accustomed to already.
       Actually, to be 100% honest, I wish I was ten years old where I feel like my biggest problem, is which of my many outfits my Barbie is going to wear.
       But I'm getting off topic. Today I have been thinking a lot about life goals. What are yours? I know everyone has them. Some you KNOW you will achieve, others, you're not so sure. Some seem a little 'out there' and maybe hard to reach. Where as others seem reachable.
       Are you the type that can dream of bigger goals, but is only willing to fight to accomplish the smaller, more realistic goals? I know I am.
       At least I was. After looking back at the past 19 years of my life, I hate to say, I am very disappointed with myself. There are many things I wish I had accomplished before now, and now will never get the chance to go back and do them.
       But this year, that's all going to change. I have big goals, and small goals. And I'm going to fight to achieve every one of them, even the ones that may very well never happen. Such as getting the first novel in my series published.
       2010 went by way too quickly. I still find it hard to believe it's actually OVER! I am honestly not ready to face 2011 yet, but I guess it's going to happen whether I want it to or not, right? Considering it's already February 1'st, yeah, I'd say the year has already started without me.
       All my life, my three main goals have always pretty much remained the same.
       1. Own horses and get into horse training.
        2. Write and publish a book/series
        3. Get married and raise a family

       Of course none of those really happened when I wanted them to, but oh well. I won't let that stop me from living.
      It's only February, and so far, one of my goals may be getting crossed off that list fairly soon. Which one? That would be #1...Yes...I have owned horses for 5 years now. BUT...sadly, owning horses will not give me the income I need to help support a family one day. That's why I chose horse training as a career. And...that career may be starting soon if all goes well.
      A local horse stable; home to 30 rescue horses, is looking for people to help care for the horses. I have spoken to the owner and an interview has been set up for Saturday. I am so excited! If everything goes well...I am hoping to get a job working with the horses, caring for them, and riding them. And in the spring/summer, taking part in their riding camps for young children.
      This is big for me. Especially since I never thought I'd ever actually be able to fulfill my life long dream of making money, with horses!
       So now that #1 is started on it's way...#2 is equally getting ahead. The past...six months, I've been slowing down on my writing. I've had no motivation and no drive at all to write. But lately, I've decided to bite the bullet and push through my writers block..and by doing so, today I completed 2 and a half chapters! Over 10,000 words to add to my novel. I am thrilled!
       So life seems to be moving really smoothly for me right now. My job at the grocery store is going great! I'm getting loads of hours and making new friends. I'm getting a start on my dream career with horses (yes...I will be balancing two jobs. I predict many tired days ahead...) and I am pushing forward with my writing. And hopefully one day...I will get to see MY name on a book in the bookstore!
       The only goal left to accomplish? #3...Get married and start a family. Though...I'm in no hurry for that one (despite being almost 20...) right now I will focus on my career, job, and hobbies. Then it'll happen when it's meant to happen, how, it's meant to happen.
       So...ending on that note...now I shall ask...what are you 2011/life goals???

      (P.S...Chapter 6 and 7 of "Evolutions" will be posted on the main website within the next couple of days to a week... http://acwillard.com/ 
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Friday, December 31st 2010

8:06 PM

Goodbye 2010...

Hard to believe there are only a few more hours until we are no longer in 2010, but 2011. Looking back over this year, I have to say, there is a lot I would have done differently. Things I would have done, or wish I hadn't done. I may have several things going for me, but there are definitely things about 2010 that I am ready to forget.

These past few months have been hard for me. Very, hard actually. I hate to admit it, but for these past few months, I've been pushing God from my life. Things haven't been going the way I have wanted them to. I've done things I'm not proud of and I've drifted way too far from God.

I rarely pray anymore. And when I do, it's a short prayer and it's in more of a 'favor' form for someone else. My Bible is sitting dusty on my nightstand (or packed away in a box...I can't remember which) and I can't even remember the last time I just 'talked' with God.

The reason I allowed myself to drift so far from Him...was because, up until August, I felt like my life was pretty darn amazing. I had just started a new job, I had some new friends and I thought I was beginning to see how my future was going to unfold.

Sadly...then things started going downhill. I found out that my parents were once again considering moving out of province. Relationship didn't go in directions I had hoped and money started getting so tight, everyone in my family was beginning to live pay-check-to-paycheck.

Because of this, everyday I asked myself "Why God?! Why do you allow such things to happen to people who love you and have always tried to serve you, no matter how hard it may be?!" After that...I stopped trying. Stopped trying to have a relationship with Christ and stopped caring to pray. To me...if God really cared, then He wouldn't be letting his children hurt.

It was selfish reasons that drove me to the point of shuddering at the mere mention of prayer. It was stupidity that drove me to fill with rage at the mere mention of "God will handle it" or "God is in control."

I was beginning to feel like I was a puppet, whose strings were getting tighter and tighter, until eventually, I was being choked and could no longer breath.

Talking about the future angered me, the past tormented me, and everyday I woke up wondering what event would unfold in the life I felt I had no control over.

To this very second, I still have trouble trying to picture my life unfolding in a way different then I had imagined 5 months ago. To be honest, I am disappointed because, if I'd been asked several years ago, where I wanted to be by January 1'st, 2011, my res ponce would simply have been "Married, settled down and with a steady job."

Looking over my life, I am worried because, none of that has happened. I am no where NEAR getting married. I am living paycheck-to-paycheck and I have a job, but it's not steady. One week I could have 40 hours, the next, only 15. 

These past few weeks have revealed to me that, I am not upset because I feel like a puppet in God's control...I am upset, because life scares me. I hate NOT knowing what I am doing tomorrow. I can't stand, wondering if I will be where I want to be in two years. I can't even stand having plans changed last minute because I feel the need to have my life laid out, minute-by-minute, hour-by-hour, day-by-day. So knowing, I have little or no control over how my life ends up in the big picture, terrifies me.

I am now facing the possibility of moving. This very idea scares me more then anything else. I've finally gotten used to the idea of living here, I've adjusted and I've realized I love being here. And now it may all be ripped out from underneath, and we'll be moved once again.

These are the reasons I get upset;

1) Why did God have our family come to terms with the fact that we are going to stay here...JUST to have us move later on. Maybe moving should never have been brought out of the picture? Then the idea would be so terrifying. Then friendships and relationships could have been spared because everyone knew that, it wouldn't last for ever, so don't build anything up just to have it torn back down.

2) All my life, I've fought to keep myself from falling until I felt I had met 'the one'. And when I thought we would be moving, I fought harder then ever, to keep myself from EVER...EVER developing feelings for ANYONE! So after our family decided we would just stay here, I began feeling that maybe that meant it was safe. Safe to open myself up to the chances of meeting someone. 

So I made the mistake of falling. And I don't want it to sound like I went out and found the first person I could after finding out we weren't moving, because that's not the case at all. But somehow, without wanting to, and without even knowing it, I fell. And for weeks I prayed harder then ever before, because I was scared. Scared I was making up feelings or whatever. Scared that I was pushing myself to see something God didn't want me to see. So I prayed. And prayed a lot. And everything seemed to tell me, it was safe to move forward. So I did.

But then things started falling apart. I started getting upset with God. Asking Him, why He made me feel it was safe to move forward, when it clearly hadn't been. Then I got news about possibly moving, and that's when I broke. I was so outraged that God would let me fall, just to have it all torn apart and burned.

My reasons for turning things around, and blaming God were probably selfish, and unfair reasons. They were reasons that may seem stupid to some, and silly to many. But to me, God had allowed me to do something that I had SWORN...I would NEVER do. He had allowed me to fall and get hurt.

But as the year comes to an end, I am fighting to re-build what little of a relationship I have left with Him. I've felt Him calling to me a lot lately, but I've continued to shut Him out, locking Him from my life and plugging my ears to His cry to me.

Then tonight I promised myself, no matter what, I was going to fight to get my relationship with Christ back! This empty, miserable feeling is driving me crazy, and I want to be back where I was before.

I need to learn to not only thank Him when good happens in my life, and then turn around and blame Him when something bad happens. I must thank God everyday, for everything in my life. Thank for the good, pray for the hard, and admit when I am wrong.

And on this note, I pray that I can go into 2011 fighting to build that relationship stronger. 
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Wednesday, September 8th 2010

8:07 PM

Am I really crazy?!

Why is it so many people feel the need to be with someone? Is there something special about saying "I'm taken?". There is nothing wrong with that...it just depends how you got to that place. Have you broken hearts and ruined people for your own sake? Have you played a game only you can win? People think I'm crazy to be 19 and never been in a relationship. I laugh...because I know it just means I've never hurt anyone...or myself.

Times are crazy now. A 12 year old now runs around with a boyfriend/girlfriend. It's now 'in' to have a line of people pleading for your attention-or to have a line of people to 'choose' from.

But let me ask this; what happened to the time when it was considered normal to wait...wait for that one person you wanted to spend the rest of your life with.

Things have changed...and not for the better either. Girls throw themselves at guys...guys plays girls. Each no better then the other...but each playing a game.

Some people think that you are nothing without someone in your life like that. They think that you need someone else to complete you...or make your life mean anything.

Sadly...that's furthest from the truth.

There are many examples of how a girl will be given the choice of two or more people to choose from. She claims she loves one more then the other...but if she did...would there really be a choice? The first example that comes to mind...Bella Swan. A girl who claims to be in love with Edward...yet can't get Jacob off her mind. I honestly find it insane. If she really has to think THAT hard about who she wants to be with...then she doesn't really love either of them.

It's rare these days to meet anyone older then 17 or 18...or ever 16...who has NOT been in a relationship. Now it's one thing to meet someone who sincerely thought they had found the 'one'...but things just didn't work out. But it's another to find someone who has been with so many people..they've lost count. Or they can't stop whining about one person...WHILE going after countless others.

All my life I have watched people like this...each time thinking "I don't want to be like that" and where has that taken me? I'm 19...never been in a relationship...and considered crazy by many.

But I don't care what people think. Because I know that the pain I have not experience from relationships in the past...will make my first (and hopefully last) relationship that much more special.

It truly makes me sad to see people jump from one person to another...as if it was a normal thing to do. As if someone wasn't being left hurt each time it happened.
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Friday, September 3rd 2010

8:05 PM

Who would have thought...

Life is one of the most unpredictable things there is. It doesn't matter how well you think you know where you are going, or who you want to be, something will always change it.

When I was younger, I wanted to be a professional horse trainer. Snow in the big shows and compete with some of the most famous show jumpers in the world.

I wanted to complete a whole novel and send it out to publishers. I didn't plan on getting published right away or making it big...but to at least get a book finished, I'd be thrilled!

Along with those, I wanted to get married young, have children and run a home. But obviously some things don't happen the way we want them to.

That's how I saw my life going when I was sixteen.

That was three years ago. I am now nineteen as of last week, and I've recently been looking back at my life, wondering "What the heck happened?!"

What is happening with my life that makes me wonder that?

In the past year...no...in the past six months, my life has kind of taken a U-Turn.

In my last post...I broke the news that (after 4 years of waiting) we would NOT be moving back to Ontario. It was a hard hitting time and it began to feel like my life was falling apart.

We were no longer moving, my life was now NOT going to be anything like I had thought.

By staying here...I had to decide to give up the dream of owning and running a larger horse stable. Not only would it be impossible to afford enough land to do that around here, but I've realized it's just not practical for my life. It was a dream, and would never be anything more.

But as much as things fell apart, they were quickly clicking into place.

I got a job at a local store, and things there have been going so well, it almost feels like it's not real.

I started out being hired to be a cashier and do signs, but I now have several jobs there. I work in produce, grocery (stocking shelves when the shipments come in, etc), deli, cashier and signs. My work there has been tripled and I love it!

As for my dream of being a published author, I'm still holding onto that. My novel, "Evolutions" (the sci-fi-romance) I was working on, has been put on hold for a while, sadly. I have no time to write anymore, and as much as I hate that, it's just something I'll have to deal with.

I look at where I hoped to be by the time I turned 19, and I look at where I am, and I realize that they may be completely diffident places, but I am happy where I am, so I don't wish that my life had turned out differently.

I may not be a big time horse trainer, but I've tamed a high-strung mare, broken a wild horse and raised a filly.

My book may not be on the book store shelves, but the dozens of magazine articles I have written have been read by thousands of people!

Even though I'm not competing in shows, I'm creating a path for myself and working hard at a job that will support me in the future.

I may be considered weird, for being 19 and still not in a relationship (and at one point, wanting to be married by now, lol), but I know that by waiting, I'm able to prepare myself for when that time comes.

I know my life will work out the way it's meant to, and that as long as I am happy where I am, there is no reason to dread the future.

Even now I imagine where I'd like to be in 5 years...but I know in 5 years...what I have imagined and what really happens, are most likely, going to have nothing in common.


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Friday, June 11th 2010

6:49 PM

Wow...didn't see that coming!

Okay...so the last time I posted here it wasss.... *Checks date of last post* too long ago. A lot has happened since my last REAL update and I don't like posting just a simple "I did this, this happened and I wanted to do that, but I didn't...the end" type of post. So today it'll be a REAL post.

About a month ago, my life was at a standstill. Everything was on hold until we moved. I wasn't able to get a job because we may sell at any moment. I didn't want to make friends because I didn't want to have to leave them behind when we moved across the Country.

Well...things have changed and I have to say, I am loving the outcome!

First off, we are no longer moving across Canada. We've decided to stay here and look for a house locally. I was a bit upset at first because it meant my life had just taken a HUGE U-turn...but now I am really happy with how things are turning out.

The other day my mom saw a 'Help Wanted' ad at our local grocery store. They were looking for someone who could take over as a cashier and other things. Now...it's not a small store but it isn't HUGE either. I went up there that day, dropped off my resume, and BAM! Was asked back the next day for an interview.

The next day I get there and go into the managers office and start the interview. Not halfway into the interview, I was hired (and thrilled)

So I started yesterday with my training, and I LOVE my job! I went back again today for another 4 hour shift and got to work at one of the tills, and ring people through.

It was really confusing at first, but it's just one of those things you'll get better at as you learn more.

Okay, so now I have a job, and I can drive (oh yeah...did I ever mention that I have my license now?!) and...I hope to make a few friends soon. Of course friendship isn't something that just HAPPENS, but it's bound to happen sooner or later.

The next few months are going to be insane. Now that I am working, it means I'll also be going to more local events. We have this annual thing called The Teddy Bear Picnic...it's a lot of fun and I'm going to be helping with all that.

My once slow life has just become fast paced and a live again!

The horses are keeping me busy as well. Lacey is almost 2.5 years old and Mina is looking AMAZING in her new, shiny summer coat. Raiah just got over another small stomach ache but she's doing great now.

I'm jumping 3'6 with Raiah, bareback and I hope to enter my first horse show next year. Starting at 2 feet. I'll probably enter my first show with Raiah, and the next one with Mina. Then Lacey once she is about 4 or so. Depends how well her training goes.

My brother is in a relationship with my best friend (and I am SO happy for them!) and only a month ago, I was in the US with my two BF's =D

Me and my brother are planning another trip our there this fall, so more excitement to come this year!

A trip to Holland and Paris may also be in the nearer future...but it's not for sure yet. I'd love to visit Paris some day.

I am also starting to save up for a car...my first car and I can't wait!!

I will be 19 in just two short months...I'm not sure whether I am looking forward to this or not....

My bf (and brothers girlfriend) will be coming for a visit next month and I am SOO excited! I'll have a girlfriend around to go shopping with!!!

And...I think that's about it. WOW! That's a long post but a lot has happened in the past few weeks, and I am really loving the direction life is taking right now.

Okay...so I can't say when my next post will be...but I hope that my dedicated blogging friends and readers enjoyed this post and will check back for my next one =)

I am not online often anymore since life has gotten so insane, but I am also wanting to catch up on my fellow bloggers, blogs...so be looking for my comments!!! =D
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Sunday, June 6th 2010

3:33 PM

Life. Here. Gone. Now.


Life is unpredictable

It's unexpected yet reliable

Most worry of the future

When the present is now

Fix the mistakes you live in

And look no further then tomorrow

Fears won't help you through life

Your faith and love will

So why waste your days worrying

When you can embrace it and grow

Take the lessons you learn

And use them for today

Breath in and exhale

Before you wish our life away

We only have one chance

To live just one short life

So why do we waste it

On small, pointless things

Worry and fear, regret and doubt

Shouldn't we forget these and move on

Take your life one day at a time

Don't try to make it go fast

Live in the moment

Because now...is the past.

- A.C.Willard

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Saturday, May 29th 2010

9:21 PM

Perpetual Love: A Romantic Thriller

Alright. I have to say, it's been way too long since I was last here. But a lot has happened in the past few weeks. I'm back from my 10 day trip to the US. It was amazing and SO much fun! A trip I will never forget!

There isn't really much to update, except that I am still hard at work writing "Evolutions" and I have a huge audience building up; which is so exciting!

But, while I am working on "Evolutions" I tend to get bored. And since I don't want to get bored and end up letting the book die, I've decided to start working on a short story for fun.

It's a new idea I got randomly yesterday, and so far people are really enjoying it. It started out as a short story, but I've decided to stretch it out into a novel. Not a long one like "Evolutions" but longer then a short story.

"Perpetual Love" is a romantic thriller. I got inspiration from several different movies and books I have read, but I'm twisting it into my own thing.

I am working on it as we speak, and currently only have 2 chapters done with chapter 3, well under way. So...if anyone is interested, here is chapter one for your viewing pleasure. Please enjoy and let me know what you think =)

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

       I stood impatiently at the counter, waiting for my items to be rung through. The woman who was supposed to be doing this, was on the phone, yakking to a friend. I glared impatiently at her but she paid not attention and continued with her conversation. I felt like screaming. Did she not realize I was going to be late for work? I doubt she would take responsibility for me losing my job when I showed up late-for the third time this month.
        "Alright Susan, I have to go," She eyed me, clearly annoyed. "yeah. I have to get back to work. I'll talk to you later. Okay bye." Hanging up, she shot me a sickeningly sweet smile as she began swiping items. "Paper or plastic?"
        "Paper." I replied coldly.
        She nodded and finished scanning the items before dropping them-and literally dropping them-into the bags.
        "Have a nice day." There was that smile again. I wanted to stick me tongue out at her, but I figured it would be an immature thing for a twenty-six year old woman to do. I just muttered to her and hurried from the store.
        I still had to get home, put the groceries away, and try to catch the bus before it was too late. Fortunately, it wasn't a long walk from the store to my apartment. I was home within a few minutes, set the bag of the counter and quickly left again.
        At almost seven am, it was the busiest time of the morning. People crowded the sidewalk and cars flooded the streets. Oh the joys of living in New York City. I pulled my black, knee-length coat tightly around my waist, hugging my purse under my arm. People stared at me as I hurried past, doing my best to run in my four inch heels.
        I was half a block away from the bus stop when I saw the doors on the bus slowly beginning to shut.
        "Hey! Wait!" I called out, but I knew there was no way anyone would have heard me over the hectic city noise. The bus shut and locked the doors and pulled away from the curb. I came to a quick stop at the curb, where just moments ago, the bus had been parked.
        "Oh lovely!" I groaned, scanning the streets for a taxi or another bus. No luck. The next bus wouldn't be around for another half an hour. I glanced at my watch. It was ten to seven. If I wasn't in my office at seven, I could kiss my job goodbye.
        Dropping myself on the bench a few feet away from the bus stop, I let out a heavy sigh. At the moment, I had two choices. One; wait for the bus, be late and hope like heck my boss was in a good mood. Or walk the twenty blocks in four inch heels, end up breaking a leg and going to the ER and being delayed even longer. Leaning back against the bench, I decided to wait for the next bus.
        People continued to hurry past me, ignoring my very presence. I dreaded the idea that someone would come along and claim the empty spot next to me. I wasn't much of a people person. I didn't mind them, but I hate having to share my space with anyone.
        As I sat there, I looked up and down the street, people watching; something I rarely did, but found quite amusing. One couple in particular caught my eye. An elderly couple, holding hands and smiling as if it were their first date. Their love for each other was clear in their eyes, the passion revealed through their expressions. I smiled to myself as they climbed into a small car and drove off down the street
        I turned around after watching then disappear into the sea of cars and almost screamed with surprise. Someone was sitting next to me. He turned to me and smiled, flashing a set of perfectly white teeth.
        "Oh, I am sorry," He apologized, laughing softly-his voice almost angelic. "I didn't mean to startle you."
        I couldn't speak. I wanted to, but couldn't. The words seemed stuck in my throat. Looking at him gave me the feeling that this wasn't real. I was dreaming, I had to be. There was no way someone that good looking could exist. His dark eyes flickered with kindness and his smile seemed to light up his whole face. His darker hair was well combed yet also tousled-a mix of neat and messy.
        "It's okay," I finally managed to stammer. "I just wasn't expecting to see anyone." Forcing a laugh, I almost felt like shooting myself. Way to act like an idiot!
        "I'm Tyler." He smiled again and my heart flipped. Extending his hand out to me, his eyes caught mine for one split second, and I thought I was going to have a heart attack. They seemed to be staring into my very soul.
        "Serena." I introduced, taking his hand in a less-then-firm hand shake. My heart skipped when I realized my hand fit perfectly into his.
        "Nice to meet you Serena." He slowly took back his hand and turned his attention ahead.
        I looked away, trying to catch my breath. Why was I acting like this? I had met hundreds of guys before. Maybe it the fact that I'd never actually fallen for a guy? Or the fact that this guy-Tyler-seemed way too good to be true.
        I looked at him through the corner of my eye, shocked to see him looking at me, still smiling. There was something about that smile that had me in awestruck. Was it the way it light up his face, or because I knew it was sincere? I saw many smiles everyday, but I could always tell which were sincere, or forced. And his seemed genuinely sincere.
        "So where are you headed?" He asked suddenly.
        I turned to him, catching his gaze. "Work." I replied quickly. "I'm just waiting for the bus. I missed my last one because the clerk at the store was busy yakking on the phone." I clamped my mouth shut. That's it, just start babbling non stop about your dull morning to this stranger.
        He chuckled. "Well it sounds like this just isn't your day, is it?"
        I sighed. "It's better now." My eyes widened as I looked away from him. Did I just say that out loud?! Oh crap!
        He just laughed again. "Where do you work?"
        "David and Sons Book Publishers." I replied, forcing myself not to say more then that.
        "Oh really? Are you a writer?"
        I nodded. "Yes, in my spare time. But I work as an editor."
        He looked thoughtful. "Have you been published?"
        Laughing, I shook my head. "Oh lord no! I'm not good enough. I just write as a way of expressing myself. It helps take my mind off of life too."
        "That's the exact reason I write." He smiled at me.
        "You're a writer?" I didn't mean to sound so shocked.
        "Yes. I have only even been published once though. Definitely not New York Times material though." Chuckling, he looked at his watch then down the street. "Right on time."
        I was confused but looked up anyways. There was the large bus rolling down the street towards us. I hated the sight. Why couldn't it have been late like it usually is?
        "Well it was nice talking to you Serena." Tyler stood up, his eyes cast down on me.
        I slowly rose. "Yes. it was nice meeting you."
        He suddenly handed me a card. "I work with a publishing company as well. You should give us a call and I'd be more then happy to take a look at one of your manuscripts." And with that, he smiled and turned down the street.
        I held the card in my hand as I climbed aboard the bus-not even stopping to wonder why he had just spent fifteen minutes sitting at the bus stop, and not even getting on.
I handed the bus driver my money and moved to the back, my eyes locked on the card. Tyler Stone Publishing!
        The Tyler Stone?! The Tyler stone that owned one of the biggest publishing companies in the country. I couldn't believe it. How did I not recognize him? He was only on every single magazine cover at my office.
        Looking up, I began flipping the card over in my hand. What was he doing talking to me? Then I saw it, on the other side of the card. It was a phone number. And not just any number. It was his cell number.

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Wednesday, May 5th 2010

10:26 PM

Time for a vacation!!!

Oh wow! Seriously, I can't believe I've been so bad at keeping up with this! It's been how long since my last post? A month?! YIKES! 

Well I have some VERY exciting news! (For me anyways ) I will be leaving for vacation on Friday to go to my best friends wedding. It should be very exciting! My first trip to the US!

But since I will not be around for a couple weeks, I shall post a quick, but decent update now:

It's summer...not a shocker for the month but I am most definitely enjoying this heat! I missed my shorts and tank tops!!

I will be 19 in a few months (GASP) and we are still not moved! (Though for those who follow this blog...that's not a shocker)

Our horses are doing well. Lacey is almost 2 and a half and already as tall as her mama!

A couple of the horses (Raiah mostly) seem to be getting sick fairly regularly I am sure it's due to the sand we have just put in...but I am getting tired of seeing her sick so often. Fortunately, it's never serious and she recovers within a few days, but it's still sad to watch.

My writing is coming along GREAT! I am getting such an amazing, large audience I almost can't believe it! I have over 140 fans on my facebook page, and over 250 on another site I am on.

I am holding a contest with the book, and the winner will become a semi-main character in book 2 of the series, "Breakthrough" (You can find contest here: http://acwillard.viviti.com/entries/evolutions/contest-time )

I also have chapter 2 posted http://acwillard.viviti.com/entries/evolutions/chapter-2-the-book

Well..I think that's about it for now...but I will TRY to post another update soon, and I know I have many blogs to also catch up on! But I shall get to those ASAP!
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